In a hostage situation you are
likely to be released first.
- It's harder and harder for sexual
harassment charges to stick.
- Kidnappers are not very interested
- No one expects you to run into a
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask,
"Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a
- There's nothing left to learn the
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
Linda Isbell & Debbie Yates
buy a compass for the dash of your car.
- You can eat dinner at 4:00
- You can live without sex but not without
- You can't remember the last time you
laid on the floor to watch television.
- You consider coffee one of the most
important things in life.
- You constantly talk about the price
- You enjoy hearing about other people's
- You get into a heated argument about
- You got cable for the weather channel.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't
even realize it.
- You no longer think of speed limits
as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach
in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You send money to PBS.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You talk about "good grass"
and you're referring to someone's lawn.
- Your arms are almost too short to read
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate than the
National Weather Service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally
down to a manageable size.
- People send you this list ...